December will soon be upon us and if you are as organised as one of my colleagues, you will have finished buying all your Christmas presents and even wrapped them all up. Many separated parents do not however put the same effort and energy into organising, the arrangement for the children during the festive season..

It would be helpful if this is considered early. How will the children spend Christmas and New Year?, is this their first holiday season without mum and dad being together and how do we manage that?. I appreciate that this is a difficult discussion to have but do try to agree as much as possible and as soon as possible to provide stability for your children. You do not want to still be negotiating arrangements for your children at 4pm on Christmas Eve!

Presents for the children should also be discussed and agreed in good time. I have seen many cases where the issue of presents for children is used by one parent to try and score points against the other. Parents will try and “out do “the other parent by buying a more expensive gift or may deliberately buy the same gift as the other parent.

Remember being separated at Christmas does not have to be a bad thing for the children, make it an enjoyable holiday season for them. Explain to them that they will be spending time with dad/mum on these dates and times. Let them know that essentially they are getting two Christmases and New Year. One with mum and one with dad. They get to open presents twice and enjoy time with extended family members on both sides.

No matter how hard the breakdown of the relationship has been on you, focus on the positives; you have beautiful child/ children whom you will have to raise together into the future. Your children and their needs should always come first and everything else is secondary.

Disputes between parents will inevitably impact upon children and they will often blame themselves when parents separate. The best gift you can give your children is to work constructively with the other parent for the benefit of the children so that both parents can then spend time with the children in a happy, safe and secure environment.  If you need to speak to one of our specialist family lawyers to discuss separation and children matters further, please do not hesitate to contact us at Macks and we will be happy to help.